fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
