Don't you send me to vm
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize