Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
