Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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