so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
