so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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