Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
