stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
