i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
