Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize