Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
