I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
