I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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