What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
