I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
