When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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