I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize