I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
