Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
