He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
