that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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