the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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