I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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