Fine. I'll sleep in my office
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize