we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
please don't ironically join a cult
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