my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
