I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
