The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
