There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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