My hand turned me down
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
