There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
