I'm jealous of your bromance
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
accomplished twins. life is a go
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
