why didn't you poke me back
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
