Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
