somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
