Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
