So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
