i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I checked into jail on foursquare
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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