The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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