His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize