my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
