I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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