I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
