If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
