Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize