make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
