I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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