the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
