Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
