Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
