If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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