My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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