yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
