I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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