Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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