i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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