Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
