You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
