We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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