help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
