Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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