note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
