For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
