oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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