I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
