she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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