I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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