You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
