The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
