your parents love me but you hate me
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
