Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You ruined the universe
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize