Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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