i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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