dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
