Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
