um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I am one with the molecules
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
